Episode 09: Hobbies Are Friends, Not Food
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Welcome to the Shy Girls Finish Last podcast. I'm your host, Nicole Lathen, a certified shy Black girl. I hope you’ve had a restful day. Let’s get into it!
Hey ya'll, thank you for joining me. Today, I want to talk about writing as a hobby versus writing as a profession. This may ruffle some feathers, but if you feel itchy then take it up with a higher power, not me. We can't grow as writers or as people unless we're able to kill our ego and understand our flaws. This is Common Myths and Where to Find Them, Part 3: Hobbies Are Friends, Not Food.
I sort of feel bad for any generation after millennials. We were among the last generation that played outside without iPads and screens in our hands 24/7. We rode bikes down hills, hit our ankles with scooters, or drank from the hose because our parents didn't tolerate running in and out of the house.
We went out and played sports like dodgeball, hopscotch, double-dutch, basketball, or track. We played a paper game called Mash to see who our celebrity husband would be, our home, car, and how many kids we would have. We had to be inside the house before the streetlights turned on.
We had green and purple colored ketchup just because. Our chips came in different wacky shapes. We had absolute banger commercials with rap songs or catchy jingles. We memorized entire comedy specials word for word because nothing was cooler than reciting it while surrounded by friends and classmates adding the next line.
What I love about my generation is that because we had that great childhood spent doing actual things, touching grass and getting real sun on our bones, we're not afraid to continue to indulge little joys. We have bills to pay now, student loan debt, and dead end jobs we have to work because society lied about this wonderful life we were supposed to have after college. But, we also aren't afraid to indulge our inner child.
We buy the stuffies, video games, blanket hoodies, funko pops, or whatever else that makes us happy with our grown up money. We find a bit of joy in life every day to keep us going because the world would truly suck if we didn't.
Times changed. Change isn't a bad thing, it's pretty healthy. But with the commercialization of phones, tablets, laptops, movies, franchises, or streaming apps that all compete for our attention, or Covid that forced us all to isolate, it also sucked people into this instant gratification pipeline that has taught society to over-consume and under-engage. We want things and we want it now and no we don't want to discuss why.
Capitalism is sucking our souls dry. Ads are everywhere. Work is demeaning with less and less pay. The housing market is atrocious. Billionaires run the world. Leisure time doesn't really seem to be a concept anymore. There's no downtime anymore because it's spent catching up on things you can't do during the day because of work, trying to cook and eat healthy but giving up because there's no time, or passing out because you're just that tired.
There's only endless doomscrolling. Consume, consume, consume. Society has now shifted away from doing things just because. And I am speaking in broad terms here, I know this doesn't apply to everyone. But what happened to picking up a guitar to learn how to play? Not to become a famous rockstar or popstar, but simply to learn and jam and relax.
What happened to picking up a pencil and learning to draw? Not to sell artwork at conventions or sell calendars, but simply to learn. Maybe make some funny homemade greeting cards. What happened to puzzles or sewing or crochet?
I'm talking about hobbies. Hobbies are those little things that people do to make life more bearable. To find some peace and relax. Unwind from the never ending work grind. There's probably a million reasons for how we ended up here. Part of that, in my opinion, is that because work sucks and there's no true living wage, people have to pick up extra income somewhere. And for those who live in the corporation that is America, that's in the form of finding something to sell.
Everyone has something to sell now. Including me, I'm not above anybody. If you can think of it, someone is out there trying to sell it to you right now. There's this pervasive push from companies and ads. You think of something and you see an ad for it in your phone or TV or on your favorite social media site.
We are bombarded constantly with buy, buy, buy, but have no money. So we have to go out and do what we can. I understand that completely. But it is absolutely crucial and critical to find a hobby that does not have a monetary end goal attached. Preferably one that doesn't involve a screen somewhere.
Take up a ceramics class, meditate, go hiking, go watch planes, or find some other hobby to learn. Hobbies teach us important lessons like discipline, self-care, or that there is an off switch when it comes to work. You're not meant to grind 24/7.
I used to have a hard time relaxing. I still do in many cases, but I've carved out time to rest. The reason I say I hope you've had a restful day is because resting is a must. Your mind and body can only handle so much. If you don't rest, your body will do it for you. I've lived by that philosophy for a while now and I have never felt better. I have my down days, I have my frustrating days, but I always know when it's time to stop, take a breath, and rest.
We have lost the art of real hobbies. Doing or learning things for the sake of it. Not to sell, not to get famous, but just to relax. When was the last time you truly relaxed?
I bring this up because we often see articles posted online about some lucky author that got a six figure book deal. We see another author that sold the movie rights and will have their book adapted. We hear about bidding wars; multiple companies clamoring over an author's work on who gets to publish it, which only drives up the hype and means more money for the writer. These are all fantastic news, but I think it fuels a dangerous myth about writing. It is not a get rich quick scheme.
Stories of authors getting multi-books deals or movie deals are meant to be inspiring. They also make us feel like dang, that money could absolutely change my life. But it is okay to have writing as a hobby and nothing more. It is okay to journal, or write poems, or write fanfic and never have grander ambitions to sell that writing in a book.
Remember in Episode 7, I said there is no room for competition. This isn't about ego or jealousy or anything else. Not everyone is supposed to sell their writing. Not everyone is supposed to be a world famous author. Between Tiktok, Instagram influencers, and social media in general, nearly everyone wants to be a content creator but real work is falling by the wayside.
There are fanfic writers out there right now who are lawyers, stay at home moms, nurses, doctors, or whatever else, that have highly demanding jobs and find joy in writing and posting that writing. But their end goal is not to be a professional writer and have their work sold worldwide. It's okay to relax with writing and I highly encourage it because your writing isn't polished yet.
You have miles to learn and study the craft, study how to make your writing better, and to fail. You learn from failure and mistakes. You need feedback, you need growth, and all of that takes time. Posting or publishing unpolished writing is like slapping your readers in the face. It's talking down to them and wasting their time. And that should never be our goal.
I say this because we have done a huge disservice to the craft by letting anybody write and publish. Everyone is certainly free to do what they want and pursue whatever career that they want. But more and more, I am seeing unfinished, unpolished, unedited books get self-published or adapted into shows and movies. Half stories, weak characters, meandering plots that go nowhere and the books are flying off the shelves.
We have smutty, cutesy romance book aesthetic girlies on Tiktok who glamorize reading 100 page novels and consuming it like candy. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not knocking it. But for me and those who feel the same, I want depth in my escape. If I'm going to spend my rare free time reading, truly reading, I want to be entertained!
Great writers, truly great writers, respect the craft. They respect it enough to understand what works and what doesn't work. If all you want to read is simple fluff, then by all means. But for those that want a good story, who read and search and can't find what you're looking for, you respect the craft enough to study it. You respect it enough to want to be good at it. And because you respect it, you know deep down, how you feel about that writing.
I almost quit writing nearly every day when I was younger. I felt so bad about my writing, so unseen and unheard. Wishing and hoping that my brain would cooperate and I would suddenly have a burst of luck and inspiration and complete something that I was proud of. And every time I wanted to quit, a friend told me to keep going. I would watch a movie that inspired me. I would read a really good book that made me want to try again.
I couldn't quit writing even if someone paid me to stop. I love story. I love a good character. I love new settings I never imagined, time periods I hadn't considered, genre-bending adventures that I get to witness as a reader. I can't stop writing. Every since reading The School Story by Andrew Clements in elementary school, I've had a story in my heart to tell.
It took me a long time to understand that writing was my gift. It was what I loved to do and so I made that switch from writing as a hobby to writing professionally. I literally cannot imagine doing anything else that would bring me this much joy. Perhaps working on a film set, but this would still take the entire cake.
Because I can't imagine doing anything else, I know that writing is the right career for me. I've studied for this. I've worked on my writing. I respect the craft. I would not be satisfied if this remained a hobby. I have grand plans and writing will take me there.
So I encourage you to do some self-assessment. If you weren't a writer, would you still find a notebook to jot down notes? If you could imagine any other life for yourself, what would that look like? If someone were to completely wipe away every single story you've ever written, half-written, or abandoned, would you feel annoyed but get over it eventually? Would you be devastated?
My point is, if you can imagine putting writing away and never returning to it and finding happiness somewhere else, then perhaps you're better off writing as a hobby. There's no shame in that. You can always change your mind down the road. But that takes the pressure off, doesn't it? You can still journal, still write fanfic, or write for yourself. You can still work on the craft and get better just for your own peace of mind, but you do not have to worry about trying to sell the end product. Writing is one of the few hobbies that is completely free. There's no ads, no companies involved, there's just you and the story.
If putting away writing is like chopping off a limb, like carving out your heart, like life has no meaning without it, then keep going. You'll end up a professional writer somewhere, somehow.
Again, this isn't to tell you what to do. This isn't some ploy to get rid of competition. As a reader, as a voracious reader, this is my selfish way of separating those who take it as seriously as I do and those who just want a hobby. Both are valid. I love reading from both. But I want a story. A real story. One that I can get lost in and display it proudly on my shelf. I want to escape into a whirlwhind adventure and feel like the silent extra member, getting to witness this amazing world.
Because while people are free to read whatever they want, I know there is a large majority who are tired of searching for things to read. For looking for books that check all of their boxes and not finding it. And it's mostly because the majority of what's available, what publishers push, are lacking in the fun department. There's no love or respect in the story. They're popcorn books. Meant for a fun time, not a long time.
They are someone's half-baked idea but because they have ten thousand followers on Tiktok, they get the deal. Or they self-publish and find people to buy. But that is a huge disservice to quality. We can have popcorn and substance. We can have a good story that's still light and breezy. We don't have to sacrifice one for the other.
I love depth. I love when books crush my heart. I love watching characters fall in love. I love gasping at well executed plot twists, laughing at a line of dialogue, or putting the book down to scream to an invisible audience. I love being entertained.
As writers, our job is to entertain. Part of knowing how to do that well, is to understand your end goal. If your end goal is a hobby, then there are plenty of online spaces for you to post and build community. There's Tumblr, Archive of Our Own, Reddit, Wattpad, Fanfiction.net, or you could create your own blog on Wordpress. If you don't want to post, you can use a notebook or write in a word document but be sure to back up your work!
If your end goal is to publish, I still encourage you to post on those sites as well. We all need to practice and get valuable feedback, and posting anonymously on these sites will help, trust me. But you have to do the work. You have to post and engage with others in the community. Don't post and then never read someone else's work, never comment, or shoutout other writers whose skill you admire. You're not on an island, you're in a community. But you are also working on your novel, short story, or book of poems in the background. Sharpening your skill so that when you edit that beautiful project, you'll know where and how to edit.
If you don't want to write fiction, you don't have to. You can do poems, random thoughts, a grievance journal, or song lyrics. However it is that you can exercise that creative brain, do it. But be honest with yourself. If you can imagine doing something else, consider that publishing isn't an end goal and that is perfectly okay. If you can't imagine doing something else, start considering how you want to have that career. Is it a teacher? Author? Magazine writer? The most common may be an author so consider if you want to self-publish or traditionally publish.
Yes, everyone can and should write. But not everyone can or should publish professionally. Because you're wasting time for you and me. And I don't like for my time to be wasted.
Before we wrap up, I invite you to join me. In your journal, write down how you would feel if you stopped writing right now or if you never wrote another story in your life. Write down why you wanted to become a writer. Reflect on if you're truly willing to put in the work to become good at writing, whether for a hobby or professionally.
See you next time for Common Myths and Where to Find Them, Part 4: Run! It's Godzilla, it's King Kong, it's Writer's Block! Stomp on it or dance on it, don't let it win! And remember, Black girls deserve to be seen.