Episode 13: When Zora Was a Young Warthog
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Welcome to the Shy Girls Finish Last podcast. I'm Nicole Lathen, a certified shy Black girl. I hope you’ve had a restful day. Let’s get into it!
Hey ya'll, thank you for joining me. I have officially arrived at the third revision of my book, With These Words, so since I can see light at the end of the tunnel, I wanted to take a little break between episodes to officially yap about this book. It's a true labor of love and I am so, so proud of it. This is When Zora Was a Young Warthog.
Picture it, late winter of 2023. AI is the stuff of science fiction movies. I had joined my writing community earlier in the year and had been steadily meeting friends, participating in tag games, reading amazing stories by people all over the world, and practicing my own writing. I began truly listening to what made me hot and bothered. What phrases did I like to use over and over again? What were my signature tells as a writer? What themes kept cropping up in all of my stories?
Back then, people were much nicer so people in engaged with each other. There was always writer games or random questions to ask each other about process. It was like the coolest club ever between writers, readers, and just overall nerds. I got tagged in a game where people provided a title and you come up with a brief little story or prompt of what you would write to go along with it.
A friend sent me the title The Handwritten Letter. Immediately, I pictured something cozy in a library. I started thinking about love letters. How people have really lost the art of courting. I thought of friends to lovers. She fell first, he fell harder kind of vibes. And it snowballed from there. I wrote a nice little intro for them, that they were two kindred spirits who happened to find each other. I posted my answer and then tagged some friends to try it out if they wanted and then went about my merry way.
The same friend told me to delete the post and write the book immediately! I thought she was joking. After all, this was a time in my life where there was so much upheaval. I was in the middle of starting a new job, my soul was getting crushed by my old one, my dogs constantly had one issue or another going on, and dealing with this crazy world. And though I was getting stronger as a writer, I was still getting used to my strengths. It was a wild leap from hey, I'm doing this as a hobby to hey, I'm picking this dream back up to go for it this time.
Writing a book felt like a distant dream. That was something I would do way further down the line. When I had more practice and experience. When I had more feedback to help me look at my writing objectively. There was no way I was ready to write a book, right?
Writing was my escape in a lot of ways and I joined this community for a hobby. To fall back in love with writing, to grow, to nurture it and study it, to have fun, to practice, and read beautiful stories about Black women getting loved on. I'd written stories in the past, I'd written books in the past, but those were things to pass the time with. I didn't believe in myself nor did I understand my author voice yet. So when she told me this, of course I laughed it off. Me? Me write a book? Baby, I'm barely writing these short stories!
But after talking to her, after talking to a few other friends, the idea wouldn't leave me alone. I started thinking about what the book would even be about. Would it include smut? I gained a reputation in this community for writing delicious smut scenes because I enjoyed it so it felt odd to leave it out but my family doesn't know about my blog. No, that shouldn't be a factor, but you know how families are. They don't want to admit that you're no longer the little person they're used to.
But that didn't have to stop me. I had this dream for a reason. Why not me? So early 2024, I started to really plot this thing out. Who were the characters, what the setting would be, and what kind of plot I needed in order to get my two leads together. It was important to me that they were both Black and Zora was plus sized. I am plus sized. And I want to read more empowering stories about plus size Black women getting hot Black men.
Zora and Jasper were names that I had to hunt for. If I'm going to outline, I need names immediately because it's annoying calling them the female main character or love interest. I tried out a few for them, but once I said Zora Underwood and Jasper Thomas out loud, it sounded right. I'm obsessed with the name Jasper so that felt like a good fit. And Zora gave me literary vibes already, so I figured hey, she'd be a writer as well.
I didn't intend to make it meta. But I do like having winks and nods in my writing so I figured what the hay, let's go for it. Same with my writing community, the vow I made to myself was that this would be for me, this would be something I was proud of, and something that I can root for. If I was younger, if I was looking for a friends to lovers kind of book, then what did it need in order for me to feel satisfied? That's how I approached outlining it.
I think friends to lovers is the most elite trope. There's so many ways to take it. There's so many fun scenarios to think of. And it always boils down to the dawning horror that someone is in love with their best friend. The angry confessions, the kisses in the middle of a confession; there are just too many ways to convey the concept. So when it came to this book, I wanted something honest. Something cute. I wanted a nerd who lived and operated in her own world with the guy patient enough to earn her and learn her.
With a basic outline, I figured they would work on a project together that made them get closer, they would send love letters to each other, and fall in love the old fashioned way. I knew early on that Zora would be painfully shy, an introvert, and inexperienced. She became a catchall for women like me; ones who grew up the butt of boys' jokes, asked out as a dare, made fun of on dating apps, or had to sit by while popular girls got all the roses on Valentine's Day and we didn't.
One of the earliest pieces of writing advice I'd ever come across was if you feel nervous, then your characters will be nervous. So before I began writing, I promised myself that I would calm down and take my time. I wasn't on anyone's timeline, I wasn't beholden to anyone's ideas. I wanted to write what I wanted to read. Plain and simple.
So April 2024, that's exactly what I did. I worked out a routine for myself, working on the book until the nerves got too bad and then wrote short stories in between. My community and friends cheered me on, sometimes I had to take breaks because of work, but I put in the work. Line by line, paragraph by paragraph, I watched Zora and Jasper take shape before my eyes.
Sometimes I did fall into the trap of reworking my outline in the middle of writing, instead of letting the story unfold. I'd finally learned to listen to my writing instincts, I was finally writing what I wanted, so I knew right away when the story needed fixing. Learn from my mistakes, please! Get to the end first and then try to edit later. But ah well.
I had too much fun writing it. Zora's head was an absolute treat to root around in. Her interactions with Jasper were the tooth-ache kind of sweet and I loved watching him obviously flirt and fall head over heels for her while she remained completely oblivious. I love an oblivious type of character. The signs be there but they don't be looking!
The concept of the podcast came by a little later. I didn't want her to be a traditional writer. Nothing wrong with writing about an author but that feels a little too on the nose. I didn't want to go that far. So I started thinking about a podcast and bouncing the idea off of friends. The name came to me while I was in the middle of watching The Mask with Jim Carey. Jim's character, Stanley, is talking to Peggy, a journalist, and it's revealed that he wrote a column called "Nice Guys Finish Last". Lightbulb. Of course I should call it Shy Girls Finish Last! Because they do. We contain an entire universe in our heads and it takes a while to feel safe letting people in, but when we do, it's magical. Not everyone has the patience to wait that long though.
Once that got rolling, I knew that Zora had to struggle with her next chapter. She started this podcast because she was lonely, she didn't have many friends, she'd never been kissed or had sex, and she had hangups about being adopted by extroverts. She saw it as pity though they genuinely did love being around her. But what else did she want to do? Yes, she was in school, but she could only be in school for so long.
Jasper was initially someone along for the ride. He was someone who had a small crush on Zora, but she was unapproachable in her own bubble, so he didn't think he had a chance. When they were partnered, he said finally! I get my chance. They became study partners, workout buddies, and he never let her hide when he was around. He saw her. All of her. And he just wanted more.
It was hard work but I loved every second of it. I loved finding the rhythm of their dynamic, I loved the banter, I loved that Zora was slowly but surely making progress in her life. She also lived with her best friend, Valerie, and they were thick as thieves even as they argued or Valerie's larger personality tended to eclipse Zora's quieter demeanor.
I also wanted to explore female friendships a bit. And how what initially drew you to someone could be the reason you fracture. Valerie was an art student who did paintings so she was a whirlwind from the word go. When they met, they thought because they were into their respective art worlds that they would respect the need to disappear sometimes. But throughout the draft, it becomes clear that Valerie didn't understand Zora. She was always trying to fix her, get her out of her room, demand time to hang out, or not respect her alone time. And any true introvert knows, alone time is the best time.
Another important relationship for Zora was her teacher, Mr. Sam Ellis who was a successful writer and came to teach a few special courses at the school. He was a large reason why Zora went to grad school and he's helped her in the past, so she asked him to help look over her proposed podcast draft for the contest. They were on friendly terms but there was a professional distance because this was Zora's hero in a lot of ways. It'd be a lot to explore her heart's desire and have her favorite writer and teacher knock down her work.
October 2024, I finished my first draft. I was over the absolute moon. Not only did I complete my goal, but I didn't give up on myself. Too many people quit on themselves before reaching the end. I was one of them. I'd written books in the past, but they were disjointed and didn't reflect my level of skill now or my current interests. I thought that there was no way I could finish a book because I tried. I started and stopped so many books!
I have a terrible habit of getting to about 20,000 words and then losing steam and motivation and quitting. For 20,000 words, I felt giddy and excited and wanted to explore this new world. But because I didn't have a plot, plan, or craft the world beforehand, I lost steam because I didn't know where else to take the story. Like okay, I got us to the beginning, but after things get a little dicey, I didn't know where to go, what to do, or how to keep that good feeling going so I quit.
And that made me depressed. So reaching the end of the book, actually having a completed draft to revise and work on, I felt like crying. In fact, I probably did cry during that period because I didn't give up this time. I didn't stop myself this time. I wanted to write a story that I loved and that I had been dreaming about so that's exactly what I did.
I asked a few close friends to read it and honestly, only two have read it cover to cover. I don't hold it against my friends, we all have busy and demanding lives, but I had a hard time figuring out what it needed when I didn't have any feedback. Feedback is how I know if my intent matches reader expectations. If I intended Zora to be this shy girl who is taking a chance of love, who can believe that the hottest guy in class likes her, who believes in herself enough to go after what she wants, then I needed to know if people were picking up on that.
But silence says a lot too. To toot my own horn, I was used to people fawning over my short stories. I received so many beautiful comments that helped me keep motivated to write. So when my friends took weeks, months to read the book, I knew something had to be up. I gave myself some distance from the book, which ended up being about a year unintentionally, but January 2026, I read my book in its entirety without taking notes. I just read it.
Yikes! I still love it. I wrote exactly what I wanted to read. But it was an absolute drag for me. So I know it was a drag for my friends and they were just too polite to tell me. As much as I didn't want my nervousness to show, it did. I wrote it from an unhealed place. Ever since Covid, life has had some hands. The year I took off was to focus on getting my life on track, to grow emotionally and heal from a lot of self-sabotage. So I had a fresh perspective reading the book on the other side of that.
I wrote the book from a place where Zora felt like an alien in her own head and body, disconnected, and constantly worried that there was no way a girl like her could be with someone that looked like Jasper. She swore she loved herself but had negative self-talk, cringey, honest, raw, but overall down on herself.
And that rubbed me the wrong way. That's not how I wrote the women in my short stories. They may be shy but they were still in love with themselves, followed their bag, and not settled for the bare minimum from any man. None of my short stories reflected women who thought they were too weird to exist and couldn't possibly pull a fine man. That's not the message I wanted to write, it's not the message I wanted to send out, and I didn't want to step out for my real debut with something that wasn't me.
Zora was too in her head. She was so far in her head, she couldn't make any type of actionable decision. It was a lot of hemming and hawing and as a reader, that would've pissed me off. The negative self-talk was internalized from the media around us. It's so hard being a Black fan because we don't get to see ourselves. And when we do, we're reminded every two seconds that we're not usually the final girl, or the girl who gets the guy, or the girl who gets to be a hero. I was parroting what they want us to think.
But being in my community, free from those constraints, with like-minded people, where Black women were beautiful and cherished and protected, that's the kind of girl I want to read about. She's not perfect, she has all kinds of flaws, but she gets to be human. She gets to love herself and fight for what she wants.
Jasper ended up being too pushy, not giving Zora any chance to actually breathe and think and feel her feelings. He volunteered for everything she needed. If she wanted a drink, he'd bring her five. If she was cold, he was already wrapping her in a blanket. If she wanted to hide, he was right there in her face telling her not to hide from him. And while I adore a simp, I didn't want love at first sight. I didn't want him to have all this care and attention on her and he becomes a cardboard cutout for Zora to project onto.
So he had to go back in the factory and I began to learn more about him. Learn where he's coming from. And I had to completely dial back his enthusiasm. He takes time to learn Zora, to see how she thinks, and they find that they have more in common than they realize.
Valerie had all kinds of smoke for Zora, to the point where I had to sit back and ask myself…do I really want them to remain friends? The power of friendship is practically baked into my DNA at this point and as much as I wanted to enforce it, it only made the cracks seem worse. But we're not entertaining unequal friendships. The idea of unequal friendship really opened their dynamic and gave me all kinds of pressure points to poke while plotting the revision. Her personality filled in as her backstory became clearer.
And while entertaining, Mr. Ellis didn't really pop as a mentor for me. The professional distance wasn't giving Zora the nudge she needed to stop holding herself back and live her own life, start demanding what she needs and then never settling for less. She always seemed too shy or too intimidated to really talk to him though he was so open and thoughtful. It gave wise old dad dynamic rather than someone Zora admires and someone to help her achieve her dream.
Whew. I had a lot of work to do.
Thus began the second revision. I had a wonderful friend edit the first draft for me, so I went back to the drawing board. I kept the changes I liked and ignored the ones I didn't. I went deeper into everyone's backgrounds and got more clarity on why they behaved the way they did. What deep traumas they carried around. What gift they got from their grandmother that they still hold on to? What lie are they telling themselves about why they can't move forward?
There were entire mountains to uncover with these characters. I kept the plot the same. Zora is still a podcaster and entering a contest for seed money to fund a narrative one. She is still unexpectedly partnered with Jasper who employs all the charm in the world because he wants this girl but can't bring himself to actually say the words. Valerie became a photographer instead of an art student, a point of contention with Zora because she keeps scheduling impromptu photo shoots in their place disrupting Zora's need for calm and quiet. Sam Ellis became Carmella Ellis and she's also a writer struggling with her own book. She became somewhat an auntie to Zora, someone to give her tough love and let her know when she's holding herself back from being great. These three people help to shape and mold and push Zora to choose the life she wants and hold onto it with both hands.
Once these characters moved and acted independently in my head, meaning scenes began to write themselves, that's when I knew I was ready for the third revision. It's revising this story the way it originally sparked in my head with new and added layers.
Instead of someone painfully shy and hard on herself, who only saw her flaws, Zora emerged more of a lone wolf. She shuts people out before they have a chance to do so to her, she loves her comfort bubble, and has absolutely no time for shenanigans. She's too busy obsessing about what her life will look like six months from then. After grad school. What kind of career she was going to have. Something safe and reliable or something a little more risky but more gratifying?
There's no insta-love. The first draft had these two immediately in love and choosing to hold back, but now the plot pushes them together whether they like it or not. Zora went from accepting Jasper's presence in her life to actually asking Ellis if she could work by herself! She finds that Jasper is a little too much to have as a partner and tries to wiggle out of working with him. There'd be no plot without it, so it's safe to say that doesn't work out in her favor.
This is the story I wanted to tell. This is the story of a woman choosing herself, choosing the people she lets into her life, and stepping into her best life through the messy, rough, gross, and self-doubting bits. A woman on the verge of not only naming what she wants but having the courage to go after it. And she doesn't have to put herself down to do it. She doesn't have to think that Jasper is some untouchable god and she's an ugly cryptid that lives in the sewer.
I wanted a story with positive female interactions so that's why I made the switch for her mentor. And to show that even with all the experience in the world, you still have something to learn. Zora affects Ellis as much as the other way around. I wanted a story with a guy falling in love in real time, in every interaction, and still having flaws of his own. I wanted a story with Zora struggling to accept herself and her writing because no one comes by this easily. It's hard. I have learned so much about myself, my journey, and my writing by uncovering this book revision by revision.
This is a book worth writing. This is a story worth telling. These are characters worth rooting for. And I am so excited to be able to share them with you. I'm still not sure when this book will be finally ready, but I am getting there ya'll. Have patience with me.
I spent so long doubting my work, hurting my writing, and not following my heart that I still have to pinch myself. I'm nearly there. I'm working on it. And soon, you will get to meet Zora and I hope you fall in love with her as much as I have. She's an absolute cutie patootie with all the snark and flaws.
Thank you so much for going on this journey with me!
Now it's your turn! In your journal, write about ways you've self-sabotaged. Write about the idea you can't stop thinking about and what kind of story you want to tell. Why is your main character the star of the show? Are you completely satisfied with them or do you need to dive back into their backstory? I will post my answer on my Instagram and Tiktok.
With all of the craziness going on, the next stop on the train is my Hollywood burn book. Is any representation acceptable as long as we're included or do we need to demand more? I'm diving into the disturbing trend of how Hollywood loves Black bodies but not Black people. See you next time for Watching While Black Part 1: Dick Wolf Can Catch These Hands. One man built an entire universe to show the bravery and dedication of first responders yet doesn't put care into his Black characters.
And remember, Black girls deserve to be seen.